The Ending will be the Beginning

I wonder sometimes if I haven ‘t finished my book sooner because I’m scared to have it done. It’s been a dream since I was 17 years old, but it’s been real and tangible for the last 2 years. It’s been my baby and now it’s growing up and it’s time to let it out into the world for all to see. That’s scary.

Now that I have put myself “out there” and people know that I’m coming to the end of my book, reality has hit. The word vulnerable has a renewed meaning, and the fact is, people will have a window inside my head. Fiction or not, the book is a part of who I am.

I cherish the fact it’s my first book, my baby, my thoughts, my characters, my story, but that’s where it’s has been for so long… in MY possession and  in MY head, and now it’s time to share. Just like any author’s dream, I want to see people reading my book as I walk through the airport or picking it up to read the front cover and then taking it to the register to buy.  How exhilarating would that be?! It would be confirmation and validation that I have a talent of writing.  Yes, I know, I don’t need a published book to confirm that I can write, but it would be super cool. And by the way, I realize that the chance of me seeing my book in the airport or any major bookstore, is pretty slim. And no, I’m not being a “downer”, just realistic. But again, if it happens, that would be super cool.

Failure. Such a big word, and the root of me nursing the book. I want it to grow and be almost perfect (knowing that perfect is impossible) before I send it out into the publishing world. The fear of failure, for me, isn’t a hindrance, it’s a motivator.  I don’t want to let the fear stop me from enjoying the process. I want to take it all in and realize that my book is in the the last stages of growth and is ready to face the eyes that will be peering into it’s pages. I will be a proud parent of my first born book. If the book falls down, I will pick up the pages and apply kisses to the boo boos and try again (I think that’s called a re-write).

Time to stop babying my book and push forward, work harder, and take the next steps of contacting a self-publishing company.  I have been putting if off. I’m excited about sharing the process with you, the ups and the downs. I will be learning out loud for all to hear!!

In my opinion, character is built by the scars that led you to where you are, at the exact time you are there. I may get a lot of scratches, but the scars will tell a great story!

Until next time….



Filed under January 2011

7 responses to “The Ending will be the Beginning

  1. Tamara

    I love the way you said that you would apply kisses to the boo boos of the pages. I caught a visual of that and had a laugh…

  2. Martha Velasco

    Amy, I think its wonderful that you share you fears and it is nothing not a person in this world has not shared…fear. But! I can see your are a great writer and even though are putting out a book for the first time…I commend you on your discipline and guts to do it because many of us…like me…only think of doing it but never believe enough in ourselves to actually do it. A toast to you and your book! Go forward fearlessly!

  3. I know the feeling—some of my writing students experience it, often because working on the book has been such a big part of their lives and emotions for so long.

    But, look at it this way: if you finish this one, you’ll be able to start the next one. Good luck! (BTW: I’m glad I discovered your site. Your writing is lovely.)

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