There are those who will forever be the victim and never see life as a whole. It’s only pieces and parts of what’s happened to them.
When you talk to them, and try to express yourself, they will twist every word, every sentence, and make it about them and how they are affected. They’re happier. They’re sadder. They hurt more. They’re always feeling more than anything you’re feeling. One-upping emotions is second nature to them.
They are so self absorbed they can’t communicate without the conversation being turned around in their direction.
They can’t simply ask, “How are you doing?”, and let you answer fully. They’ll always interrupt and answer the question for themselves.
They can’t lend unconditional support because it’s always, “Why haven’t you done this [or that] for me?”
They make up things so they can feel less guilt within themselves.
They preach one thing, but do another.
They will turn everything into something about them.
They say they want to hear your thoughts, your feelings, and your opinions, but it’s useless to go there; they’ll railroad your words with their own.
They surround themselves only with people who’ll pat them on the back and make them feel good, instead of with people who tell the truth and who are honest about how they truly feel.
With these type of people, communication is null and void. You will always be on the other side of the conversation, trying to get a word in edgewise. When you’re done, you’ll be exhausted from a talk that never really happened. A one-sided conversation isn’t really a conversation… and they wonder why you never want to talk to them.
These kind of people are manipulators, and most likely, narcissists, but will NEVER, EVER see themselves that way. Remember, no matter what, they are completely justified in their thoughts and feelings.
They are always right and belligerent about what they believe, but say they hear other people’s opinions and point of views, which is almost laughable.
They are tone-deaf. More than likely, they will never notice what they’re doing, and if you point it out, they’ll act dumbfounded and surprised. “What? I’m not being that way. You’ve got it all wrong.”
With these type of people, it’s easy to feel like:
You never do anything right.
The way you’re feeling is wrong.
Your response is the wrong response.
You never do enough for them.
Your feelings are less than.
The most important thing to learn in dealing with these kind of people, is this: Find YOUR voice and stand firm in it.
Believe it or not, sometimes, standing firm in your voice means staying silent. Then, sometimes, it means you have to step over the line, and raise your voice above and beyond what you normally would. How to know when to stay silent and when to speak up is very tricky and confusing. For me, silence is my go-to, but when I feel pushed to the edge, my words will fly.
Finding a balance with manipulators is almost impossible. There may be times when you have to cut yourself free from them completely. However, in certain situations, it’s very difficult, especially if it’s family or a longstanding friendship. Don’t make that decision lightly. Think hard before making the final cut; just distancing yourself could be the better answer.
In the end, keep in mind:
Your feelings count.
No matter how these people try to twist your words, your words are yours, and they mean something.
You can still love these people without being brought down by their actions (or lack thereof).
Never change to suit them. Be you, always.
Stand firm and stand strong.
Find peace within yourself and keep the loud voices of others outside your emotional space.
Until next time…