Category Archives: April 2017

Your Voice

There are those who will forever be the victim and never see life as a whole. It’s only pieces and parts of what’s happened to them. 

When you talk to them, and try to express yourself, they will twist every word, every sentence, and make it about them and how they are affected. They’re happier. They’re sadder. They hurt more. They’re always feeling more than anything you’re feeling. One-upping emotions is second nature to them.

They are so self absorbed they can’t communicate without the conversation being turned around in their direction.

They can’t simply ask, “How are you doing?”, and let you answer fully. They’ll always interrupt and answer the question for themselves.

They can’t lend unconditional support because it’s always, “Why haven’t you done this [or that] for me?”

They make up things so they can feel less guilt within themselves.

They preach one thing, but do another.

They will turn everything into something about them.

They say they want to hear your thoughts, your feelings, and your opinions, but it’s useless to go there; they’ll railroad your words with their own.

They surround themselves only with people who’ll pat them on the back and make them feel good, instead of with people who tell the truth and who are honest about how they truly feel.

With these type of people, communication is null and void. You will always be on the other side of the conversation, trying to get a word in edgewise. When you’re done, you’ll be exhausted from a talk that never really happened. A one-sided conversation isn’t really a conversation… and they wonder why you never want to talk to them.

These kind of people are manipulators, and most likely, narcissists, but will NEVER, EVER see themselves that way. Remember, no matter whatthey are completely justified in their thoughts and feelings.

They are always right and belligerent about what they believe, but say they hear other people’s opinions and point of views, which is almost laughable.

They are tone-deaf. More than likely, they will never notice what they’re doing, and if you point it out, they’ll act dumbfounded and surprised. “What? I’m not being that way. You’ve got it all wrong.”

With these type of people, it’s easy to feel like:

You never do anything right.

The way you’re feeling is wrong.

Your response is the wrong response.

You never do enough for them.

Your feelings are less than.

The most important thing to learn in dealing with these kind of people, is this: Find YOUR voice and stand firm in it.

Believe it or not, sometimes, standing firm in your voice means staying silent. Then, sometimes, it means you have to step over the line, and raise your voice above and beyond what you normally would. How to know when to stay silent and when to speak up is very tricky and confusing. For me, silence is my go-to, but when I feel pushed to the edge, my words will fly.

Finding a balance with manipulators is almost impossible. There may be times when you have to cut yourself free from them completely. However, in certain situations, it’s very difficult, especially if it’s family or a longstanding friendship. Don’t make that decision lightly. Think hard before making the final cut; just distancing yourself could be the better answer.

In the end, keep in mind:

Your feelings count.

No matter how these people try to twist your words, your words are yours, and they mean something.

You can still love these people without being brought down by their actions (or lack thereof).

Never change to suit them. Be you, always.

Stand firm and stand strong.

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Find peace within yourself and keep the loud voices of others outside your emotional space.

Until next time…

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Filed under April 2017

Me? Speak up? Let Me Think About It.

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Conflict and confrontation… I avoid them at all cost. I hate them with a passion. It’s who I am and I’ve been this way since I was child.

When some people would face issues head-on and speak their opinion, I normally stay quiet and put space between me and uncomfortable situations.

Just because I don’t always speak up, doesn’t mean I’m on board with something. In all honesty, some people say they’re okay with something to make other people happy or to save face so they don’t have to reveal what they truly feel.

My silence speaks more honestly than those who pacify with words.

I know I have a right to my feelings. I know I have a right to speak my feelings. The problem is, when I know my thoughts and feelings are going to be null and void, or compared to how others are feeling, and/or I’ll be the outsider no matter what I say, I’ll just hang back and feel my feelings without the need to express them. It’s better for me that way.

I also can’t stand when someone always tries to one-up other people’s feelings with their own. Their feelings are more important, have more weight, and mean more, so why express mine? That’s how I feel.

Just because I don’t always speak up, doesn’t mean I’m putting my feelings aside to pacify others. I just don’t feel I have to throw up my feelings for all to hear. I think it’s okay to stay in respective corners and move along with life.

There are people who surround themselves with only those who fill their glass with something they like to taste, who pat them on the back and make them feel good, who feed them verses that justify.

Like I was told as a child… “Birds of feather all flock together.”

Me? I tend to have all kinds of different feathers, which normally doesn’t fit in the mold of life that others like or require.

I’ll be the lone bird with colorful feathers. I’m cool with that. Actually, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, some would ask, “Amy, do you only speak your mind when it fits with those around you and when it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable?”

My answer is this: No, not necessarily. I speak my mind often. However, I am choosy about who I speak my mind with. I’ve learned some people say they’re okay about me speaking my mind, but, in reality, they never make me feel that way. In these cases, silence is my go-to. And, guess what? That’s my prerogative.

Do I wish I could be straight forward? Do I wish I could say what I feel without second thought? Do I wish I could be blunt?

Hmmm… no, not really. Maybe sometimes, but with my personality, I’ll spend days recounting my words over and over and over again, feeling guilty and wishing I hadn’t. It’s just not who I am. I’m one who spends excruciating time trying to figure out what to say and when to say it.  Yes, it can be a pain, but I’ve learned to embrace it.

Some would probably say I hide behind this blog and written words. Okay. I’ll take that. Writing has always been my way of expression and I’m okay with it.

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Until next time….

 

 

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Filed under April 2017