Disappointment. It’s such a big, ugly, word.
It feels horrible when you think someone is disappointed in you, but for me, it feels worse when I feel it inside myself.
I’ve barely read through the first chapter of my NaNoWriMo work and I realize I need to sit on it for a while. I’m so disappointed. I really, really wanted to dive into it while it’s fresh on my mind, but I can’t. I printed it, got out my red pens, and was ready to go to work, but immediately got stuck. My mind went into overload after just a few pages. I was already thinking way ahead and I couldn’t stay focused. I know I need to go deeper with my characters’ backstories and give them more of a voice, and on top of that, I need to find a better way of connecting all my characters together. With four main characters, it’s hard to have individual stories going on while trying to meld them all together into one big story. To say the least, it’s tricky.
So, here’s my plan. I’m going to spend December working on a Christmas story I have rolling around in my head. I have no clue if it’ll be a short story or end up in my novel file, but I’m going to have some fun with it. I’ll let my NaNo story percolate and I’ll continue to develop it, take notes, edit, etc… Then, come January, I’m going to pull out Amelia and finish her story. I have a feeling she’ll benefit greatly from my NaNoWriMo experience.
I know it seems I’m never going to finish Amelia, and now I’ve got my NaNo project to figure out, but please understand the process. It’s not easy. I’m not going to publish a book to just say I’ve published a book. Trust me, I want to see my name on the cover of a book sooner than later, but it’s not going to happen until I’m happy with the words inside the cover. By the way, I’m leaving out the middle stuff that happens once I’m done editing my story and then have to figure out the self-publishing side of this whole business. That blog post will come with a vengeance, when it’s time.
I have to think, when people are strolling through the bookstore, looking for the next word-ly adventure, they don’t think about the process the authors have gone through to get their book(s) on the shelf. As you can tell from my blog alone, it’s a grueling process. Authors REALLY do pull their hair out while coming up with the next sentence. We REALLY do have wadded up paper all around us as we write a hard scene. We REALLY do walk around talking to our characters, and yes, our characters REALLY do talk to us. From start to finish, writing a book has a plethora of emotions, but if you ask any writer, we wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s within ALL ranges of emotion that we find the words to make a story, which then, hopefully, becomes a novel.
One of these sweet days, you will be cuddled up, reading a novel written by Amy Weaver, and I hope you know much love, sweat, and tears have gone into each word, sentence, and paragraph. It may take longer than expected, but it will happen. It WILL!
With that said, I need to get back to work, and write at least 2,500 words today!
Until next time…