Tag Archives: Monday Blogs

Your Voice

There are those who will forever be the victim and never see life as a whole. It’s only pieces and parts of what’s happened to them. 

When you talk to them, and try to express yourself, they will twist every word, every sentence, and make it about them and how they are affected. They’re happier. They’re sadder. They hurt more. They’re always feeling more than anything you’re feeling. One-upping emotions is second nature to them.

They are so self absorbed they can’t communicate without the conversation being turned around in their direction.

They can’t simply ask, “How are you doing?”, and let you answer fully. They’ll always interrupt and answer the question for themselves.

They can’t lend unconditional support because it’s always, “Why haven’t you done this [or that] for me?”

They make up things so they can feel less guilt within themselves.

They preach one thing, but do another.

They will turn everything into something about them.

They say they want to hear your thoughts, your feelings, and your opinions, but it’s useless to go there; they’ll railroad your words with their own.

They surround themselves only with people who’ll pat them on the back and make them feel good, instead of with people who tell the truth and who are honest about how they truly feel.

With these type of people, communication is null and void. You will always be on the other side of the conversation, trying to get a word in edgewise. When you’re done, you’ll be exhausted from a talk that never really happened. A one-sided conversation isn’t really a conversation… and they wonder why you never want to talk to them.

These kind of people are manipulators, and most likely, narcissists, but will NEVER, EVER see themselves that way. Remember, no matter whatthey are completely justified in their thoughts and feelings.

They are always right and belligerent about what they believe, but say they hear other people’s opinions and point of views, which is almost laughable.

They are tone-deaf. More than likely, they will never notice what they’re doing, and if you point it out, they’ll act dumbfounded and surprised. “What? I’m not being that way. You’ve got it all wrong.”

With these type of people, it’s easy to feel like:

You never do anything right.

The way you’re feeling is wrong.

Your response is the wrong response.

You never do enough for them.

Your feelings are less than.

The most important thing to learn in dealing with these kind of people, is this: Find YOUR voice and stand firm in it.

Believe it or not, sometimes, standing firm in your voice means staying silent. Then, sometimes, it means you have to step over the line, and raise your voice above and beyond what you normally would. How to know when to stay silent and when to speak up is very tricky and confusing. For me, silence is my go-to, but when I feel pushed to the edge, my words will fly.

Finding a balance with manipulators is almost impossible. There may be times when you have to cut yourself free from them completely. However, in certain situations, it’s very difficult, especially if it’s family or a longstanding friendship. Don’t make that decision lightly. Think hard before making the final cut; just distancing yourself could be the better answer.

In the end, keep in mind:

Your feelings count.

No matter how these people try to twist your words, your words are yours, and they mean something.

You can still love these people without being brought down by their actions (or lack thereof).

Never change to suit them. Be you, always.

Stand firm and stand strong.

IMG_9303

Find peace within yourself and keep the loud voices of others outside your emotional space.

Until next time…

Advertisements

3 Comments

Filed under April 2017

Fall and Rise

It’s time for me to fall on my writerly sword and put it out there for all to see:

I have failed at all things writing this year.

I wanted nothing more than to publish this year, but I allowed myself to lose motivation and I ended up steering myself away from my own goals. There are a lot of factors that come into play–my life has had many changes this past year–but, at the end of the day, it’s about me getting side-tracked and falling off the writing and editing wagon.

I don’t want to make excuses or blame life circumstances for my stumbles and lack of getting stuff done. It’s all about me losing focus. Period. Plain and simple. It’s 100% my fault.

If I want to succeed, I can’t dwell on my mistakes; I must learn from them and take the next steps forward. I love writing more than I can put into words. It’s my passion, but as anyone knows who’s followed their dreams, mistakes happen. All I can do is rise above and not give up.

IMG_2121

I am committed to getting The Christmas Key into the hands of all who want to read it. I love the story. I love the characters. I love everything about it. I just need to tighten it up a bit and do one last read through (I know. I know. I feel like I’ve said that a million times). Then, I need to get over the fear of letting it go. I always feel there’s something else I can do to make the story better, but I know I it’s time to pull the trigger, and push my baby into the world.

I can do this. I can. I CAN! 

In addition to getting through the final stages of The Christmas Key, I’ve decided to also write a cookbook.

I’m certain some people are like, “What? You can’t even finish the book you’re working on. Why add more to your plate?”

Well, I’ve had the idea for a long time, and since Mom passed, it’s something I think about almost daily. So many of my recipes stem from something she taught me. It’ll be a therapeutic process and it’ll be a great way to mix my love of writing with my love of cooking and photography.

My approach to the cookbook will be to combine recipes with stories, tips, tricks, and alternative ingredients to make any of the recipes something you, your family, and your friends will enjoy.

I started working on it this past weekend and I’m happy with the approach I’m taking to the recipes and set up. I’ll tell you more as I get deeper into the process, but I think the concept I’m playing around with will be fun and easy for any level of cook.

As of right now, I’m not going to start a separate blog  for the cookbook. I’m not ready to take on the extra expense and responsibility. A cookbook entails so many moving parts (photos, cooking a recipe many times, detailed instructions, etc…), so I think it’s smart to keep it as simple as possible for now. Focus is everything. Once things come together, I’ll reassess the need for another blog.

I’ve had a Facebook page for my cooking for a while now. Feel free to go over and give it a like and follow along– Bubs’ Kitchen (Bubs is my nickname). I’m sure I’ll have a lot of fun  (and funny) experiences to blog about, so I’ll give updates here, too.

So, there you have it… my writing journey continues and I’m finding more passion along the way. Thank you to everyone for your support, love, and understanding. It means everything.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.” — Henry David Thoreau 

Until next time…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 Comment

Filed under June 2016

The Power Within

I bet you’d agree with me when I say:

It seems everyone has an opinion (or lots of opinions) on how others go about their life and how they approach their passions and dreams.

Sometimes, when the journey to our passion is broken, interrupted, messed up, off track, darkened, out of sorts– we look to others to help us, to give advice, to give their opinion. The only problem is, we get so many point of views we lose our own vision and purpose.

How do we weed through all the advice and pick out the right pieces that’ll hopefully lead us to a good decision about our path? I’ll tell you my thoughts on this in a minute. First, let me tell you what has me on this topic to begin with.

Lately I’ve been struggling, like majorly struggling, with my path and journey of writing. I’m not ready to give too many details, but I will say this, it breaks my heart to feel the lack of love for writing. I’ve never experienced it like this before.

At first, I thought I just needed to take a break. So, I took a break. That didn’t help.

Then, I thought I needed to work on a new story to get some fresh writerly blood flowing. That worked for a day or two, but the love faded all too quickly.

I finally reached out to some of my writer/author friends. I got some good advice and I got a lot of it. I also reached out to friends who aren’t on any sort of writing path. I got some good advice and I got a lot of it.

At the end of the day, I was still lost. Still confused. Still out of love.

*** Cue the tears ***

There were lots and lots of tears.

Finally, after too much time, I decided to clear the board and discard all the outside thoughts and opinions. I got down to what *I* felt. Not just the top layer of feelings, but the deep, dark, don’t really want to face it feelings–the ones that linger in the nooks and crannies of my heart and mind.

That’s not easy–AT ALL!

But, there ya have it. That’s my answer to the question I asked above: “How do we weed through all the advice and pick out the right pieces that’ll hopefully lead us to a good decision about our path?” We have to dive into the nooks and crannies of what we truly want from our dreams, goals, and passions.

Of course, there are always exceptions. There are times when we really need to depend on others and reach out. But when we still can’t get to the crux of our heartbreak, pain, and the lost feeling, we have to know it’s time to go deep and reach within ourselves.

I came to the conclusion that my passion deserves 100% of my love, attention, and heart. And when my passion fades, it’s up to me to figure out why. This is my journey and where I end up is completely up to me. Yes, listening to others is good, but sometimes, I have to trust myself, trust my gut, and trust my heart.

I think, sometimes, we tend to rely on other people’s thoughts and advice so if we mess up, or we don’t get things figured out, we won’t feel 100% to blame. Let’s not do that. Let’s learn to take full responsibility and control of our journey, dreams, and goals.

design (1)

Take the reins, take hold of your power, and even though the decision may not be easy, know you have all the control of where you go. Sometimes, that means changing your path or maybe even creating a new path all-together. Don’t be scared to do that. Revel in the fact you have the power to do so. Embrace the fact you may make the way for others to follow the new path you build. You never know until you start. Enjoy your journey, and when it gets hard, and you begin to lose your way, look within. You hold the power.

Until next time…

Everyday meditation:

Love life. Be Kind. Be genuine. Eliminate the negative, false, and vain. Peace, love, and happiness to all. 

2 Comments

Filed under June 2015