Tag Archives: MondayBlogs

Your Voice

There are those who will forever be the victim and never see life as a whole. It’s only pieces and parts of what’s happened to them. 

When you talk to them, and try to express yourself, they will twist every word, every sentence, and make it about them and how they are affected. They’re happier. They’re sadder. They hurt more. They’re always feeling more than anything you’re feeling. One-upping emotions is second nature to them.

They are so self absorbed they can’t communicate without the conversation being turned around in their direction.

They can’t simply ask, “How are you doing?”, and let you answer fully. They’ll always interrupt and answer the question for themselves.

They can’t lend unconditional support because it’s always, “Why haven’t you done this [or that] for me?”

They make up things so they can feel less guilt within themselves.

They preach one thing, but do another.

They will turn everything into something about them.

They say they want to hear your thoughts, your feelings, and your opinions, but it’s useless to go there; they’ll railroad your words with their own.

They surround themselves only with people who’ll pat them on the back and make them feel good, instead of with people who tell the truth and who are honest about how they truly feel.

With these type of people, communication is null and void. You will always be on the other side of the conversation, trying to get a word in edgewise. When you’re done, you’ll be exhausted from a talk that never really happened. A one-sided conversation isn’t really a conversation… and they wonder why you never want to talk to them.

These kind of people are manipulators, and most likely, narcissists, but will NEVER, EVER see themselves that way. Remember, no matter whatthey are completely justified in their thoughts and feelings.

They are always right and belligerent about what they believe, but say they hear other people’s opinions and point of views, which is almost laughable.

They are tone-deaf. More than likely, they will never notice what they’re doing, and if you point it out, they’ll act dumbfounded and surprised. “What? I’m not being that way. You’ve got it all wrong.”

With these type of people, it’s easy to feel like:

You never do anything right.

The way you’re feeling is wrong.

Your response is the wrong response.

You never do enough for them.

Your feelings are less than.

The most important thing to learn in dealing with these kind of people, is this: Find YOUR voice and stand firm in it.

Believe it or not, sometimes, standing firm in your voice means staying silent. Then, sometimes, it means you have to step over the line, and raise your voice above and beyond what you normally would. How to know when to stay silent and when to speak up is very tricky and confusing. For me, silence is my go-to, but when I feel pushed to the edge, my words will fly.

Finding a balance with manipulators is almost impossible. There may be times when you have to cut yourself free from them completely. However, in certain situations, it’s very difficult, especially if it’s family or a longstanding friendship. Don’t make that decision lightly. Think hard before making the final cut; just distancing yourself could be the better answer.

In the end, keep in mind:

Your feelings count.

No matter how these people try to twist your words, your words are yours, and they mean something.

You can still love these people without being brought down by their actions (or lack thereof).

Never change to suit them. Be you, always.

Stand firm and stand strong.

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Find peace within yourself and keep the loud voices of others outside your emotional space.

Until next time…

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Filed under April 2017

Interview: Just in case you want to know more…

 

If you look at the top of this page, you’ll see a tab for “Fun and Random Things About Me”. Well, it’s time to go a little deeper… one or two steps further.

Why would I want to share more? Honestly,  I’m in the midst of editing, and there’s not much to say on the writerly front. However, I can connect by sharing, and I’m willing to do it.

Ready?

Let’s go.

What’s your favorite meal?

Let’s exclude my favorite healthy meals (scallops and shrimp). My most favorite meals are based on mood and I’m always in the mood for pizza, pasta, tacos, and nachos. I love them all and wouldn’t complain if any of them were put in front of me.

Do you snack while writing?

Yes!! My favorites are: peanuts, almonds, apples, oranges, and dark chocolate. I know it sounds boring, but it’s the truth. I have them on hand at all times.

What do you fear as a writer?

Everything. Absolutely everything. Every word. Every sentence. Every paragraph. I fear anyone reading my work. I never, ever feel I’m worthy, but at the same time, I want people to read my stories. It’s a conundrum. However, it’s a fear I have to deal with if I want this dream of mine to come true.

What is your dream?

Writer wise? I dream that people who’d like to read my stories are able to read them… plain and simple. I’m not looking for fame. I’m not looking to be on a “top”list. A lot of my author friends don’t understand that, but it’s true. As long as I have my stories available, I’m cool with it. That’s why I’m self-publishing. That being said, just because I’m self publishing, doesn’t mean the quality is sacrificed. I’ve gone through major editing with a paid-for editor (who’s great, by the way)… my stories deserve quality, therefore, I will deliver them with as much passion and care as possible.

What’s your favorite drink?

Oh, just like food, it’s about the mood and atmosphere. If I had to answer, off the cuff… wine. I love red wine. That being said, I love… love… jack and ginger. Readers will see that in my books. Man, it’s a good drink.

Do you have a tattoo? If so, where? And… would you get another one?

Yes. I sit on it. And, yes, I plan on getting another one in advance of my 40th birthday (this October).

Do have any advice for anyone who’d like to dive into the writer/author world?

Absolutely, I do. Just write. Don’t be scared of those who are ahead of you, who are already doing it. Don’t be scared of your voice. Don’t be scared to put your world on paper. Don’t be scared to write your mind. Don’t be scared. Just do it.

Finally, who’s your inspiration?

Me. I inspire myself. My brain challenges me enough… it’s a fabulous place to be inspired. Trust me.  Outside people and things are good to be inspired by, but we should all find inspiration inside ourselves.

Well, there ya go. If you have a question… ask. I’m an open book.

Until next time…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under March 2016

Embrace Your Journey

My, oh, my…  has 2015 been full of unexpected twists and turns.

First, I rang in the new year with the excitement of working with a publisher.

Second, the hard decision of postponing my publish date.

Third, another hard decision of leaving my publisher. I haven’t written about this or made a huge announcement about it. It was a very personal decision on how I want to go about writing, editing, and publishing my book. I may share more later, but as of right now, I’ll just say I’m looking at my options. No matter what, my goal is a Fall 2016 release.

Fourth, the choice my husband and I made to sell our house in South Carolina and permanently move to Vermont. That moved along faster than we ever thought. Our house sold two weeks after putting it on the market, and as of October, 6th, we’ll be headed to Vermont to start a new chapter in our life.

Fifth, I reached out to my free lance editor, and we’ve made an agreement to move forward as a team. My deadline to have The Christmas Key to her is at the end of October. I’m so happy to be working with her again. I see many wonderful things happening in the future and my plans for this book have been taken to a new level.

Sixth, I’ve made a rough sketch for my NaNoWriMo story and I plan on making a few more so I’ll have a choice of which story I want to write. I’d like to go outside my comfort zone and NaNo is always a perfect time to try something new. It seems that’s what 2015 is all about, so why not embrace it in a new story?

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last eight months, it’s to not fight what life is trying to send my way. The best way to grow, learn, and enjoy life is to seize it in its entirety– the smooth parts, the rough spots, the twists, and turns. The mixture and blending of life experiences is what it’s all about.

Don’t forget to look out the window while on your journey. There might be a fun side street you’d like to explore.  

Until next time…

4 Comments

Filed under August 2015

Cha-cha-cha- changes…

My life has had many ‘bottom of the mountain’ and ‘top of the mountain’ moments– hills, valleys, twists, and turns. Needless to say, I’ve never been scared of change. To me, life isn’t about staying in the same place, doing the same thing, and never switching things up.

Life is meant to be lived fully, experienced completely, and embraced wholeheartedly.

If we crawl under the covers and hide every time life throws us a curve ball, we’d never get out of it what we should. Shifts in life shape us, make us who we are, and give us the stories that make us laugh, cry, smile, and reminiscence when we tell them.

All this being said, yes, I have changes in my near future. For those who are my Facebook friends, you’ve probably already seen it. For others, here it is:

My husband and I are selling our lake house in South Carolina and permanently moving to our home in Vermont. No more going between– no more back and forth. It’s time to downsize. It’s time to simplify. It’s time for a change.

I don’t feel sad. I don’t feel lost. I don’t feel scared. I feel it’s right.

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Chris and I talked about it in great detail, and even though we love the water, and we love our lake house, it’s time to let it go. We built it with love, and we will let go of it with love, knowing another family will create many memories there– just as we have.

Life in Vermont is what we crave. It’s nature, peace, serenity, and simplicity. We look forward to getting down to basics and enjoying life without weight. We’ll be able to get outside and enjoy nature in ways we love– hiking, biking, snowshoeing, etc… We can also get more involved in the community of Stowe like we want to.

From my hike this morning.

From my hike this morning.

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From my hike this morning.

From my hike this morning.

From my hike this morning.

It’s going to be a big change and the process of such a big move won’t come without its obstacles. The sale of our house in SC could take a month or it could take a year– who knows– but, in the end, with a smile on our face, Chris and I will stand on our deck in the woods and cheers each other with a big ole glass of wine, knowing it’s where we want to be.

The lesson here?

Don’t be scared to take a huge leap of faith to get where you want to be. Don’t let the process of the “sale” make you postpone your dreams. Life is all about changing and growing, and it’s not to be feared, it’s to be embraced.

Life is short. Go find your dream. Go places you wan to go. Go get what you want. Don’t let anyone, or anything, stop you.

Life is meant to be lived without reservations.

Until next time…

4 Comments

Filed under July 2015

Love is love is love… Period.

While holding hands, two people face each other, both with tears in their eyes. One takes a deep breath, then releases it, trying to contain all the emotions inside. Finally, these words are spoken:

I love you with all my heart and all my soul. When you came into my life, my world became a brighter, happier place. With you standing here in front of me, I know what true love feels like. With you standing here– by my side, holding my hand, loving me unconditionally– I am 100% complete. I can’t imagine my life without you. I can’t imagine not having you hold me when I’m sad or upset, telling me everything’s going to be okay. I can’t imagine not having you in my life to share my passions, my happiness, my fears, my goals, and most importantly, my love. I promise to love you, honor you, and be there for you through anything and everything life may bring our way. Today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life, I love you.

After wiping tears away, the other softly speaks these words, barely keeping it together:

I love you with all my heart and all my soul. What would I do without you? I had all but given up on finding my other half, the one who would accept all my flaws, my broken past, my tattered and torn heart. When you walked into my life, I began to heal. I began to see that true love does exist. Your honest and pure love changed me forever, and for that, I’ll always be grateful. My life is better with you in it. My heart is fuller because you have filled it. Thank you for your true, unconditional love. I promise to  love you, honor you, and be there for you through anything and everything life may bring our way. Today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life, I love you.

They seal their vows with a kiss and are pronounced married by the officiant.

With huge smiles filling their faces, and as tears of happiness fall down, they turn to their family and friends, and begin their life together.

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When words, vows, and expressions of love are real, true, and unequivocal– the gender of the two people are irrelevant. It’s two souls, hearts, and lives coming together out of a loving place and that’s all that matters. Let’s celebrate those who want to be together. Let’s honor people who want to honor each other. Let’s not deny any two people the right to spend their life together and their right to bind it by the laws of marriage.

Every single person should be with the one they love. Period.

Until next time…

2 Comments

Filed under June 2015

A Special Umbrella

This past weekend, my husband and I were out of town, so my parents stayed at our house and kept our dogs. When we got back, there was an umbrella on my counter with this note on it.

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If you read my Sweet Memories and Saying Goodbye post, you may remember my nana loved umbrellas. She had a drawer full of them. When I saw the umbrella on my kitchen counter, it brought tears to my eyes and I smiled the biggest smile. Who knew an umbrella could cause such emotion. It’s the most colorful, pretty umbrella I own. I absolutely love it.

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Standing out with its bright colors, it now hangs amongst my other umbrellas. Every time I walk by my front door, and see it hanging there, I smile a loving smile, and a fun memory of my sweet Nana fills me. I have tears in my eyes now just thinking of how Nana is looking down, loving the fact one of her many umbrellas is in plain view, adding beauty to a piece of my furniture– a very special umbrella, indeed.

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I love and miss you, Nana!

Until next time…

1 Comment

Filed under June 2015

Lessons Learned

A little over a year ago, I made a conscious decision to be more reflective and introspective. In doing so, I’ve learned a lot about myself (and others). If you don’t mind, I’d like to share what I’ve learned (in no certain order):

  • (I’ve learned) how to have peace in the midst of a storm.
  • (I’ve learned) how to write (a little) better than the year before.
  • (I’ve learned) more about my body, the changes it’s determined to make, and how to deal with them.
  • (I’ve learned) how to be quiet (sometimes more than others).
  • (I’ve learned) who are my real friends and who are not.
  • (I’ve learned) I have to exercise no matter how much I hate it.
  • (I’ve learned) I don’t need, or want, to eat protein that comes from an animal that has fur, feathers, or a cute squiggly tail.
  • (I’ve learned) it’s okay to be sad sometimes.
  • (I’ve learned) it’s okay to be mad sometimes.
  • (I’ve learned) complaining doesn’t change a bad situation– action does.
  • (I’ve learned) fake people are easy to spot and who has time for such people? I don’t.
  • (I’ve learned) life can be really difficult, but with the right people around me, the hard times are manageable.
  • (I’ve learned) saying “I care” is way better (and more important) than saying “I don’t care.”
  • (I’ve learned) beauty isn’t about how my hair, skin, and body looks. It’s about being kind, loving, giving, and grateful.
  • (I’ve learned) how to be more vulnerable.
  • (I’ve learned) how to let go of toxic people and situations.
  • (I’ve learned) walking away from something that’s not working, or doesn’t feel right, is okay.
  • (I’ve learned) to love who I am– just as I am.

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If you slow down a bit– listen, meditate, and allow yourself to be open– life will show you and teach you so much about yourself. Don’t let this busy world, and rat-race of a life, jade you and wear you down. Make a deliberate decision to learn something new about yourself, about your life’s journey, and about what you may need to change to get where you’d like to be.

Life is a beautiful thing, so take the time to soak in what all it has to teach you.

Until next time…

Everyday meditation:

Love life. Be Kind. Be genuine. Eliminate the negative, false, and vain. Peace, love, and happiness to all. 

2 Comments

Filed under June 2015